At some point in all of our lives, we all have been guilty of the victim mentality. It could be that something happened where you were indeed a victim of a crime or complicated situation. Maybe you put your money with a business partner who took off and ran, or you attempted to help a family friend, and they used and abused your kindness. I know for some of you, the wounds cut much deeper. Regardless of the reasons, we all have been victims to something or someone at some point in time, and if you haven’t yet, odds are you will experience it later on in life. Unfortunately, we can not choose what happens to us, but we are in complete control of how we choose to respond to whatever life throws our way.
As painful as it is to be the victim of a situation, and I know how painful it can be, letting the situation change our identity can be worse than the situation itself. The real danger is that when we embrace the victim mentality, we open the doors for it to change our identity. Our identity is critical to protect and build up because it affects everything from our thoughts, perceptions, feelings, and actions. When we allow the problem to frame our identity rather than using our identity to frame our problem, we are in serious trouble.
Focusing on the root of the problem allows us to heal and grow rather than bandage and avoid. What I want to do in this article is explore the victim mentality, why it is dangerous, and how we can stop the cycle of the victim mentality.
What is a Victim Mentality?
Before we dive into the victim mentality, I think it is essential to understand what we say whenever we say, victim. As defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a victim is “one that is acted on and usually adversely affected by a force or agent.” This definition reveals a few truths you must accept if you call yourself a victim in any situation.
Victim Beliefs:
- Other people or circumstances are to blame
- You have no responsbility for the given situation
A victim’s mentality feels, acts, perceives, and views every situation through the lens of a victim. In short, their identity becomes that of a victim.
Why is it dangerous?
Unfortunately, bad things happen all the time in which other people or circumstances are to blame, and you really don’t have responsibility for the situation. When you indeed are a victim of a situation or person, it feels like a sucker punch. All the air is knocked out of you, and you struggle to get your footing back.
There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that you have been a victim. The problem is when you start to see every situation from the lens of a victim in which other people or circumstances are to blame, and you have no responsibility for the given situation.
Even if you can truly call yourself a victim of a situation, having an identity of a victim only will hurt you, even if it is bandaging some more significant wound. It can be difficult to accurately assess if you have a victim mentality because let’s face it, we typically aren’t very skilled at looking at ourselves honestly. Below are a few side effects associated with a victim’s mentality.
Side-Affects of Victim Mentality:
- You consitently blame others for the way your life is today
- The belief that life is funadmentally against you
- You feel powerless against problems that come your way and have trouble facing them
- It is difficult for you to look at yourself honestly and make changes
- You often feel attacked by anytype of critism
- You often think “What’s the point”?
Living with a victim mentality ultimately leaves us isolated and angry. It makes us feel powerless to address life head-on, and it is also challenging to have lasting relationships with people with a victim mindset.
How to stop being a victim?
First things first, you are not broken. The victim mentality is a learned behavior and a coping mechanism. When we are faced with trauma and don’t have a healthy example of how to deal with it, adopting the victim mentality is an entirely natural thing to do; just don’t stop there. Just because it is natural doesn’t mean it is the best thing for us. There is so much more for us out there and being a victim holds us back.
Below are a few practical ideas and practices to start taking into your everyday life to stop living out of the victim mindset.
Practice Self Care
Your self-worth gets dragged through the mud when you live as a victim. When you are struggling, it is important that you are patient with yourself and prioritize yourself even if you don’t feel like it.
There are many ways to give yourself the self-care you desperately need; just make sure to start and prioritize it. Below are a few great habits of self-care that you can start today.
- Exercise – Dopamines are fantastic for your mental health. Plus just sweating can feel carthatic and gives you a win for the day.
- Journaling – This is for me as been the biggest help for my mental health and it is so easy to start. Don’t judge yourself for what you are writing, just word vomit all of the page. For me, when I am struggling with something, writing it gets it out of my body in a sense so I can actually have peace with whatever is going on and move on with my day.
- Meditation – It is incredible how much this can help your day to day life. Centering yourself on the present moment makes the mundane beautiful. There are lots of good resources on mediation and you can always check out our articles on meditation.
- Sleep – This is the one that I really struggle with personally but if you aren’t getting enough sleep, you are really sabtoaging your mental health.
Take Responsibility
At the end of the day, you are the only person in control of your life and actions. You can not choose what life throws at you, but you always get to choose how you respond. You get to control who you spend time with, what you do each day, and what you bring into each situation. The quality of your life is directly correlated with the level of responsibility you have over it. When you make a mistake, own it; when you fail, face it.
Embrace The Journey
There are no quick fixes in life. Things tend to take time and effort consistently in order to see results. The problem is when we are to results orientated and not in love with the process. The journey of life is not a straight line. There are ups and downs, highs and lows, and we need to be grounded in something, ideally our identity.
Our identity is not something we can check off a list, and then we are that person forever. For example, if your identity is you are a healthy person, you don’t work out one time and then don’t work out for a year because you have achieved being healthy. It just doesn’t make sense. Being a healthy person means you work out consistently day after day. Our identity must be grounded in principles and habits that are journey-minded because when you know who you are, you know what to do.
There is always a way forward, sometimes you just need some help seeing it. You got this!
